Relationships: ‘Stay In -vs- Get Out’

Is it just me or are more and more people talking about whether to ‘Stay In or Get Out’ of their personal intimate relationship?

Let us talk a little….and I mean ‘a little’ because let’s face it, the variables involved in such a major decision can be simple or quite complex. To generalise, I guess the main variables are:

  • Are children involved  –  and are they from one or both parents?
  • Are you married or co-habitating?
  • Is the shared home mortgaged, rented or owned?
  • Are there extended family involvements?
  • Are Pets involved  – YES I said Pets – sometimes the cause of  more heated disputes than money?
  • Age of said parties, young adults, middle aged or twilight years?
  • Is there abuse of any type in the relationship – physical, emotional, psychological, financial or other?
  • Will there be  faith or religious implications if you separate?

….the list could go on and on…..

Growing up, I used to think that would never stay in a relationship just for the sake of the children, if I wasn’t happy, as it would inevitably impact on them in one way or another. I didn’t really consider my stance if there were no children involved until I became an adult!  Staying with my upbringing for a moment, as far as I am concerned I had a very happy two parent childhood, with siblings from my parents previous relationships included – but we never used the term ‘step’ brother or sister, it was irrelevant as we were just one big happy family. It was only when I became an adult that I learned how secretive and skilled adults can be at keeping secrets to maintain a ‘unified front’ and stable home environment. Whether this is something attributed to that particular generation is yet to be seen. Also, is any collateral damage quantifiable in the overall scheme of things?

Moving on… Are the reasons to stay different for Men and Women?

Are women more inclined to Stay in a relationship due to maternal instincts for the sake of the children? and…are men more likely to stay in a relationship, out of a need to know someone will be there to look after them in their twilight years?…OR are these simply stereo types? 

There are increasing numbers of single parent Fathers (doing a brilliant job of it too I might add!), as well as independent women who will just leave and take the children with them!

Hey, I never said I have any answers, I’m just out here blogging my thoughts after numerous discussions on these matters and putting food in the thinking pot. 

Obviously, at the end of the day,  it’s all about individual circumstances, choice, personal experience, upbringing and tolerance. I have often said to those that seek to confide in me that ‘YOU must know How  much you can take’!  Whether you are male or female, is financial and domestic security more important than personal happiness, peace of mind and the freedom to exhale and clear your spiritual space of debris and clutter in order to make way for the right person?  The person who will balance and compliment  your whole being as you both share and enhance each others day to day existence.

Oh… I nearly forgot to mention the guilt card….a massive factor in deciding whether to ‘Stay In or Get Out’ of a relationship (especially for the conscientious type). Guilt – can rear its ugly head where children, joint finances/business/home, health issues or extended family commitments are involved. What will friends, family and even the neighbours think and does it really matter? What is the true effect of the break-up fallout?

I once read a chart describing a persons relationship characteristics based on their birth month. Mine was ‘The Eliminator’… and in all honesty…. I couldn’t disagree with it because deep down inside  I know it to be true of myself. I tend to eliminate things in my life that are not conducive to balancing or enhancing my being in every way possible  – Naturally – because you should need to force or work too hard in a relationship. That being said, I know it’s because life is too short to waste being unhappy for any unnecessary extended period of time – but we still do it  sometimes in the hope that things will change for the better and for fear of hurting those we care about. Is self-sacrificing ones’ own happiness really worth it, to serve and fulfill someone else’s happiness?

Wow – mind blowing stuff – and we are just scratching at the surface without even mentioning the word LOVE. My young adult son Jahz at the age of twenty-one described love as follows :

Quote: ‘Love is not an intellectual concept or moral imperative or anything else. It is a background emotion that exists when one is connected to the energy available, which of course is the energy of God’  – Unquote.

Of course, for an atheist, this will have no relevance, and obviously this is more descriptive of universal love and not interpersonal intimate love.

To conclude; No one can make the decision to ‘Stay In or Get Out’ of a relationship except YOU. However, you need to know that it is okay to talk to someone about it or risk your sanity and health stressing about it.

Internalising and living with Yourself in Your own head with conflicting thoughts and emotions can severely impact on body, mind and spiritual stability. So no, I don’t mean go out there and tell the world the whole of your business because self decorum and reciprocal respect is imperative…But Choose very carefully who select to take counsel from in such matters bearing in mind two things:

A saying that goes… ‘Have your friends and family and treat them well, but never to them your secrets tell. For when that friend becomes a foe, all over the world your secrets go!

and…..The most important voice to listen to is that of your own Heart and Soul – combined.

Prinny – Nov2020.

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